I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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