you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
