Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How's work?
Spinning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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