A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
