i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
