At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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