You smell like stripper and shame
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
