Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
