I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
