I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
