Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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