I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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