Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
