TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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