sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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