I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
