I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
