Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
