My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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