Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
