It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I need a beard to bite.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
