So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No subtext here. People are naked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
