I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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