you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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