if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
