Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
