i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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