im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
