Life is so much better after having sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize