the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
