i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
