Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
