Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
