Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
