oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
