What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize