my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
