this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
