sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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