Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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