when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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