I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
