I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
