Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
