fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
