I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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