Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
