If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
