Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
