I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
