Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Houston, we have a squirter
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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