Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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