I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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