Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
