A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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