can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
