I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize