Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
