I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
