You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
