My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
