Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know her cup size but not her name....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
