Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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