We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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