And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
