Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
