Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
