Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
