I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
