so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
