forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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