it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When are your genitals available?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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