A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
