i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
