Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
