i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
