Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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