Umm I'm too high to move.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
