Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
