Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
