meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
