So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize