never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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