You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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