I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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