I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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