he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
