CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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