That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Houston, we have a blender
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize