He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
