you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
