it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
