dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
