my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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