that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
