I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
