ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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