I hate your face
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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