My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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