I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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