I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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