are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
