I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
