i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You can't special order awesome
my sisters under your porch take her home
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
