I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
