East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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