you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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