I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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