You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
