I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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