Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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