I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry about my life...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
