Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
