White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
